So. I've started

this great transformation.
And today I started my period. Well, good. Period.
And I have cramps and I need to go work out, which I will do, but for now, I'm just moving extremely slowly.
And I'm happy or sad or just plain emotional, but I took a pamprin and hopefully, it'll do it's job as I need to do mine.
This transformation (that for right now I'm feeling really positive about and soon I'll have to return to these blog postings to give me courage because it won't always be positive or easy or whatever magic it is now) is going well and not necessarily energizing me, but energizing my soul. "Energizing my soul" ?? what?? No. NO. That seems completely wrong and not just in the "I have an aromatherapy candle for just this circumstance" way. What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that I feel happy or proud or renewed that I have begun again. And although I sit in pain and have been exhausted - I've apparently been suffering from PMS - I should be feeling better in just a bit. And while currently I sit here with cramps, they aren't going to stop me from going to work out and pushing myself there, either. I'm proud of myself for continuing to try. There that's it. I stalled, just like a car, and I wouldn't start. But sometimes you give the battery just enough time and it will kinda recharge itself, just enough to slowly turn over and turn over again and just a little faster and your car has started. That's me right now. I charged my own battery, just a little, just enough to start and I'll keep running for as long as I can.
Meanwhile.
I had a dream last night (I've been dreaming quite a lot lately.) And who should grace my lovely dream but lovely, cutie-pie - getting better as he gets older RR. I'll just call him Ryan. Because he is lovely and it was MY dream. Also there was my ex-stalker, T. Odd, because I knew Ryan and he knew me and we were beginning to be friends. and T showed up. Boo! And I knew that Ryan couldn't possible like me but T was there making waves. And then they both were nice and attentive. Of course, you can't trust T and I was trying to get rid of him - without really angering him but just, ya know, GET OUT! And then it seemed that Ryan might really like me. And I woke up thinking that I have this baggage. And I'll have to bring T with me where ever I go. (metaphorically- if there is a gawd) Just bring him into the light. Because he's a part of me and the sooner I introduce all of my hangups and quirks and baggage, the sooner I deal with them then the sooner someone really special, like Ryan might actually like me.
Was a nice feeling. That I could be liked.