New Year. What?!

Ok. So I've checked out. And this is sad. Partly because I miss it. Partly because I haven't been being honest with what's going on. Partly because if I'm not writing in this blog how else am I going to be a famous blogger, write a book and then sell millions of copies so that I become the person I've always wanted to be - but just *a little bit* of a recluse because, of course I have to protect my privacy and I'm so famous that I have to hide and wear big, dumpy dark glasses to hide my identity? Yeah. How else is that going to happen?

It's a new year. And things are looking up. And then they're looking sideways. And then, well, let's just say I don't believe in hell, per se, but things have definitely been looking southward, too.

Christmas and New Year's were a blur. And so far, this month has been one too.

I'm running the tax office(s) and a new hire is making me grumpy, grouchy, and plain-ass irritable. (Why didn't they have a dwarf named "Irritable" or "Stressy?")

I am still on my designer drugs. I feel so much better. It makes me wonder, is this how normal people feel? I mean, I feel sad or irritated or angry or tired or even depressed, but not everything is such a struggle. It doesn't feel like a life and death fight with myself just to get out of bed. It just isn't as hard. I guess that's what I'm feeling. Life is easier. And I wonder - is this how it should have been all along?

My weight is still terrible. But I'm really trying to not focus on it. I figure when I have time and feel better, things will come.

What I am focusing on is trying to start new, healthy habits. I found an app named Habit Streak that I downloaded to track my progress and check in with myself to try to start (and stick to) new habits that I'd like to cultivate. I won't bore you with my up-and-coming habits - oh, wait. That's what I do here.

So yeah. I will. I will let you know what I'm working on right now.

1) Brush teeth at least twice a day. [I know, I know. This is a no-brainer and you are now thinking that I'm the grossest person ever. You might be right. But at night. I often am soo oo oooo tired that if I remember I can't get out of bed to do it. Also, I almost *always* brush them in the morning - but lately (will discuss later) with my new morning regimen I don't always remember because so much is going on.]

2) Take morning medicine (I had to give myself an easy one - sadly, I do not always remember. Actually, I've been forgetting so - I have been taking it with -

3) Take night medicine ( my night medicine. This is actually a cheat - because I can forget to take it - and I have - but then I can't sleep, so then I eventually remember.)

4) Play with the girls (giving myself a fun one. but I don't always get a chance. Have been busy, busy.)

5) Wake up before 7 am on weekdays and 9 am on weekend. (Yeeaaaah. This one. Not even close to being a habit. What's the opposite of habit? That's me and this "suggestion" from Habit Streak.)

6) Take a daily vitamin (This one is for my cousin, the neurosurgeon. Actually, she's not a neurosurgeon, she's a neurologist. - BUT I like to say, "It's not brain surgery, and I should know, my cousins a brain surgeon." I don't actually say this (anymore).)

7) Wash face before bed (This should be another easy one - but for some reason. I'm so tired and "don't give a shit" at night lately. I can't do it.)

Here's some others that I'm working on that AREN'T on Habit Streak.

New Year, New Me! So I've set myself some rules.

• Must wear new contacts at least three times a week.
• Must wear "real" shoes places like work. Not, *NOT* Crocs.
• Must wear makeup - which consists of (but not limited to) eyeliner, mascara, and lip something.
• Must try to dress to flatter my figure and better represent the person I'd like to be - Which is to say, I cannot solely dress strictly for comfort any longer. I do not have to be uncomfortable, but I cannot dress like a slob anymore. Except perhaps on the weekends. - Non-working weekends.

• As part of the dressing for success - or more aptly put - dressing like the person I'd like to be (see above) - try to style it, girrrrl. So some jewelry, some accessories, some matchy-match.

Well, there probably is another one, but I've been terrible about it. And that's Try to Save. As in, stop spending, idiot. But I've been feeling, why can't I be surrounded by beauty, pretty? So I've been spending. The opposite of "saving" but I've also been trying to save. Which is a problem I haven't quite worked out yet.

There. That's it. That's what's going on. Sort of. Wish me luck.