Or maybe I should just write "I'm dumb."
The last posts have been true.. or I should say that they are my truth. But I feel dumb, just the same. And maybe. . . just maybe . . . "dumb" is the literal word. I am struck dumb. . .unable to talk. My communication skills sorely lacking.
I am at a crossroads. And I am impotent. Dumb. Unable to speak my desire, unable to even formulate my desires.
And I have hired a lawyer. I am waiting for his firm, strong voice to tell me, to show me, the way. Heh. His strong voice.
He called me today. I wouldn't exactly call his voice "strong" or "firm". He did seem very nice though.
----
So I went and visited my old hippie friend last night. Except she's really too old to be an old hippie. Oh, well. But the point is - she gave me my birthday present - s Birthday PresentS. One of the presents was a tarot deck. She had opened it previously, unfortunately. I know you don't believe any of this. I don't either. (Except I do - sort of.) So. I tried to put some of my energy on them... but it's all sugared and liquored up energy - so weird, right? Anyway. I did a spread (that I looked up on the internet - because I don't know how to do that.. I mean, Hello!) and I asked about whether I would find true love. Heh. The first card - which was about me, was about how I am super strong. And that must be good, because every other freaking card was all that nothing was going to work out. Not as I'd planned, not as I wanted it to, not as a type A or a laid back "change comes when it's time" person. Yeah. NOT a good sign.
I'm a little horny. Stupid maragaritas are making me write this disjointed, stupid (dumb) exclamation of my loneliness. Ye-ah. This was a great idea.
Showing posts with label insomnia baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insomnia baby. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, September 08, 2008
It's true, I'm UP!
So I start work in a little less than 5 hours. At least that's when I need to be there. I need to leave in 3 hours 45 minutes. Ugh! And I've been awake for 2 hours, 15. In the interest of saving time, I've actually taken my shower and done my hair. (Hair: only so much that I don't really have to mess with it tomorrow.. I can sleep on it.) (( Did I write "tomorrow" - It is actually TOday! ))
Went out today and looked at condos and houses again. G and Mc came with. (BTW-Mc and I made up, again.) I got very excited about a house or two. Mom really wants a condo. I mean in so much as that the little house I was excited about she has already pooh-poohed.Oh, well. She wants a condo and it is her money. Long story.
WHY am I awake? This, I fear, is going to be disaster. I mean, it's always hard to sleep the night before you start a new job. . . but this is ridiculous!! Seriously!! I'm totally going to get tired and then not be able to concentrate and if I could just grab a couple of more hours, I think I might be safe. But as it stands now: I'm going to need coffee and sugar.. which, of course, means that I will be all hyper and freak-like and then crash and be all yawny. AND I'll probably need it at least twice. FCUK! (typo on purpose-sorta)
Anybody out there? Anybody have ideas, other than to lie in bed until I make myself crazy? The other school of thought is that you are supposed to lie there xx minutes (what is it, like, 20?) and then get up and do something else for xx minutes (this time I have no idea). But I've tried lying there and then getting up and anwering emails and playing computer solitare. Then back to bed. Then reading a chapter in my book while lying in bed and then lights out. Then getting up and taking a shower and doing my hair. And then back to bed. (this time I didn't stay the required xx minutes - I basically just popped back up.) Have played more solitare (I'M ADDICTED TO SPIDER SOLITARE and I currently suck at it.). Then decided to go back to bed but before I made it, I decided I could blog.
Another aside - someone once mentioned that bloging came from somewhere - where exactly? I'll have to look it up. According to Wikipedia - A blog is a contraction of the term "Web log." Just wondering. Wondering concluded.
I'm going to try the bed again. Wish me luck.
Went out today and looked at condos and houses again. G and Mc came with. (BTW-Mc and I made up, again.) I got very excited about a house or two. Mom really wants a condo. I mean in so much as that the little house I was excited about she has already pooh-poohed.
WHY am I awake? This, I fear, is going to be disaster. I mean, it's always hard to sleep the night before you start a new job. . . but this is ridiculous!! Seriously!! I'm totally going to get tired and then not be able to concentrate and if I could just grab a couple of more hours, I think I might be safe. But as it stands now: I'm going to need coffee and sugar.. which, of course, means that I will be all hyper and freak-like and then crash and be all yawny. AND I'll probably need it at least twice. FCUK! (typo on purpose-sorta)
Anybody out there? Anybody have ideas, other than to lie in bed until I make myself crazy? The other school of thought is that you are supposed to lie there xx minutes (what is it, like, 20?) and then get up and do something else for xx minutes (this time I have no idea). But I've tried lying there and then getting up and anwering emails and playing computer solitare. Then back to bed. Then reading a chapter in my book while lying in bed and then lights out. Then getting up and taking a shower and doing my hair. And then back to bed. (this time I didn't stay the required xx minutes - I basically just popped back up.) Have played more solitare (I'M ADDICTED TO SPIDER SOLITARE and I currently suck at it.). Then decided to go back to bed but before I made it, I decided I could blog.
Another aside - someone once mentioned that bloging came from somewhere - where exactly? I'll have to look it up. According to Wikipedia - A blog is a contraction of the term "Web log." Just wondering. Wondering concluded.
I'm going to try the bed again. Wish me luck.
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