Again. New and Hope.

Ok. I don't know what this blog is supposed to be about. Other than it is about me. And my thoughts. I guess that it's ultimately about my struggles. My struggle to be the best me I can be.

I've finally figured out that is what I want. I want to be the best me possible. Perhaps, that way I can be happy. That way--I can find purpose in my life. Maybe. Maybe.

Hopefully.

Of course, there are some less lofty goals that I have. Like wanting to be able to pay my bills. Wanting a new car, wanting to travel, wanting a hot boyfriend with a crazy, hard body. Eh, I wouldn't mind a sick, hard body for myself either.

With my craziness, how do I trust the new path I'm on now?  Well, I don't know.  But I can tell you, I feel more like myself, more me than I have in a long time, maybe more than I ever have.  I know it's the fancy cocktail of designer drugs and I know that I have to continually adjust and check in with myself to make sure I don't lose myself.  There is fear involved.

So I'll try to be honest. I'll try to follow-through. And follow-up. And I have a lot of work to do - studying and traveling and working and schmoozing and exercising.  This is what I have to do.

So this is what I'll do.

Let's Try This *Again*

ok.
Let's start over.  A re-do, if you will. 
I want to be the most, optimum me I can be.

So let's start.

For the next 24 hours.  ooooh.  that might be too much.  Fuck.  Ok. 
For the next 90 minutes: I am going to get up and wash my stank off and wash my hair and brush my teeth.

I need to take my car in for service. Effectively stranding me for the day.  Perhaps I'll get some work done during that time.

Optimum me:
Start with clean hair, clean body, clean teeth. 
Work from there.