It's true, I'm UP!

So I start work in a little less than 5 hours. At least that's when I need to be there. I need to leave in 3 hours 45 minutes. Ugh! And I've been awake for 2 hours, 15. In the interest of saving time, I've actually taken my shower and done my hair. (Hair: only so much that I don't really have to mess with it tomorrow.. I can sleep on it.) (( Did I write "tomorrow" - It is actually TOday! ))

Went out today and looked at condos and houses again. G and Mc came with. (BTW-Mc and I made up, again.) I got very excited about a house or two. Mom really wants a condo. I mean in so much as that the little house I was excited about she has already pooh-poohed. Oh, well. She wants a condo and it is her money. Long story.

WHY am I awake? This, I fear, is going to be disaster. I mean, it's always hard to sleep the night before you start a new job. . . but this is ridiculous!! Seriously!! I'm totally going to get tired and then not be able to concentrate and if I could just grab a couple of more hours, I think I might be safe. But as it stands now: I'm going to need coffee and sugar.. which, of course, means that I will be all hyper and freak-like and then crash and be all yawny. AND I'll probably need it at least twice. FCUK! (typo on purpose-sorta)

Anybody out there? Anybody have ideas, other than to lie in bed until I make myself crazy? The other school of thought is that you are supposed to lie there xx minutes (what is it, like, 20?) and then get up and do something else for xx minutes (this time I have no idea). But I've tried lying there and then getting up and anwering emails and playing computer solitare. Then back to bed. Then reading a chapter in my book while lying in bed and then lights out. Then getting up and taking a shower and doing my hair. And then back to bed. (this time I didn't stay the required xx minutes - I basically just popped back up.) Have played more solitare (I'M ADDICTED TO SPIDER SOLITARE and I currently suck at it.). Then decided to go back to bed but before I made it, I decided I could blog.

Another aside - someone once mentioned that bloging came from somewhere - where exactly? I'll have to look it up. According to Wikipedia - A blog is a contraction of the term "Web log." Just wondering. Wondering concluded.

I'm going to try the bed again. Wish me luck.

And so it goes.

Ok. I'm yawning and keeping one eye closed. But I'm still awake. And I'm still writing in this blog. Which is two days in a row and must be some kind of record for me. {edit: it was three days- only the first one was on myspace.)
Moving on. Yes, that's what I would like to do. I went house/condo looking yesterday. I'm exhausted. It started off fairly terrible and then got really good and ended on such a high note, I couldn't believe - and then it all went to sh1@t$u (and not at all in a pleasant way). ((Looking at that line, perhaps I should change the expletive- because it could probably mean that it could have gone terribly right.)) ANYhoo - I just got defeated when we started talking about the dogs. I hadn't really thought it would be a big deal and apparently, it is. UGH!
For those of you in the know, I no longer have b & B. It was time and b is gone. :( But I still have B and then got Banshee. So, technically I now have B & Bshe.
GAWD- I'm tired. I'm gonna try lying down again.
-peace out.

I'm up. Again, again. Whatever.

I wonder when I blog. I don't do it that often. But my last blog title was, "Ok. I'm up. Again" . . and the one before that was something like, "I'm up!" So probably I couldn't sleep. Which is my current, and ongoing, predicament.
Here's a fun fact for you: I've been unemployed for a while. I start my new job on Monday! Whoo Hoo! Think it sounds lovely and interesting even if the moola isn't exactly where I want it to be. It's for a local government office, so I am hoping the benefits far outweigh the lack of $$. Predicament, not so much. Here it comes. Wait for it: I received an email from the city of San Francisco. Wouldn't it be lovely? But it was only an invitation to test, not even for a job interview. AND I'm getting old. As my mom succinctly put it after I made that comment, "You are old." (Thanks, mom!) And I need to start building wealth (for retirement, etc.) But then that argument goes.. isn't the wealth you build about the quality of your life? Maybe, maybe not so much.
Why, oh, why am I awake? Why don't I have lovely drugs that will do their job and knock me out. Seriously, I had alcohol last night.. a non-skimpy version either. And yet, still woke up at 5 am. Bodes well for the new job.. except, I might be too tired to do any actual work.
Anybody else out there awake at this hour on a Saturday morning? No? Or if you are, you haven't gone to bed yet. A$$h01e. Heeee. I'm clever, I can cuss and stuff.

Ok. I'm up. Again.

Heee. It's been a year since I've been here. Looking good. Or not. Whatever. I think I'm amusing. But apparently no one else does. But that's ok. Maybe. No, it's ok. I'm not doing this for anyone else but me.
So I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. There's a shocker.
So I'm still fat. Big surprise! I think I'll have a heart attack and die from that surprise.
Here's a fun fact: I'm still in school. HA! But this is my last semester. And then it'll be tax season. And then my lovely boss, who doesn't love me, but who I totally want in a bad way, will leave. And I'll be here or there heartbroken. Oh, well.
He called me yesterday. Still really don't know why. Just to talk. Weird. Shot my concentration all to hell. I was studying for an exam. No good can come of it. - I finished the exam 1st. No good. No darn good. Which means, of course, that I failed that exam. I should never, ever finish first. Means I don't know my stuff. Awww.. that's too bad.
OH! I should remind people (the many non-existant throngs that come here to read all about my life) to go to this website and watch Pizza Pete. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5fL2C_2wBg Ok. Did my public service. Not really a public service. It's a personal service. It's my bff's 1st picture. Get it a once over. You might like it.

Ok. I'm up.

So, Smokey kept scratching at the door this morning. Lovely. Need not to reward him when I don't like his behavior. So I laid in bed. That made B & B anxious. They wanted out. and out. and to see if I was breathing. So finally, I dragged my sorry butt outta bed. And now what? Let's see if I can go work out, shall we?

Do you think it's wrong that I can't remember my cousin's last name? I mean really. I've been sitting here trying to think of his last name.. and his mother's and/or father's. Because really, they're all the same name. And I can't. What's wrong with me? Seriously?
Anyway.

Again? Enough, already!

It's true. Here I am again. It's like some surreal thing. Me typing. Me ignoring and hiding. Me attempting to lose weight/exercise. Me ignoring and hiding. Whoops! That's the same thing.

So, I know the secrets, don't I? Don't I? Watch what I eat and exercise. Really get a sweat going. Make sure to drink enough water. If I can manage take my vitamins, especially B Complex. Do I do those things? Nope. Not even a little. Well, a little - - - or a lot - - - for a few days or few weeks, until . . . what, exactly?
Until I don't, I guess.
So let's make this little plan. I will follow my schedule and write in this blog at least a little something, every day. As soon as I get back from San Diego. Right. Right. Sure. I can do it.
Let's see what'll happen, shall we?

Ok. You've caught me.

I was just spending time doing my favorite thing. Looking at the best web site ever! It is all about boys and the lovely web hostess has added a site for lovely ladies too. The web mistress has banded together all sorts of lovely, wonderful, fan-fucking-tastic pics of men - barefoot, wet, wearing glasses - you call your favorite fetish. But it is more than than. Because these pictures are just lovely - like digital works of art. They are pictures that she likes. I don't necessarily think it gets her off - and it doesn't necessarily get me off - or get me doing things in front of my computer one-handed, for that matter. But I sure do get a lovely tingle from looking at them.
People can be so pretty. On the outside. Just lovely, lovely to the eyes. Why is that?
I remember when I saw Mister and Missus Smith. The story was fine - action, romance, comedy, whatever. But what struck me was that I had just spent two hours staring at possibly the most beautiful people in the world. My eyes - well, not exactly hurt - but were . . . overwhelmed. I couldn't process it all. Please understand what I'm saying here. I've never been one of those jolie fans. I always thought she was fairly.. ungainly - ugly even. Her separate pieces just didn't seem to gel. Well, she has grown into her looks. And how. My goodness.
And Pitt. pshaw. Cannot ever tell me he isn't yummy. (Sidebar: I never got it that he dyed his hair to match his partner. Completely dumb.. and I like him best with the really blonde hair of Gweneth, but think Jennifer's is a great look for him too.) I don't like his dark hair now.. but ka-ching, he can always show me the money. (BUT - again sidebar: awful the way he treated or didn't treat or how it worked out with his wife. NOT A FAN OF THE CHEATERS!) Seeing them together.. well, it's like looking staight at the sun. So fantastically beautiful and yet, painful too. And, well, exhausting. Don't we all pale by comparison? I have never seen a picture of the spawn they produced - wait I just looked her up. She looks like a baby. But wait until she grows up! I bet she's going to rock! I guess they are going to produce a super breed of humans that is soooo pretty the rest of us will just not be able to keep up. My guess is that the new race will all look like barbie. The doll. Remember that she was a fashion model, after all.

So. I've started

this great transformation.
And today I started my period. Well, good. Period.
And I have cramps and I need to go work out, which I will do, but for now, I'm just moving extremely slowly.
And I'm happy or sad or just plain emotional, but I took a pamprin and hopefully, it'll do it's job as I need to do mine.
This transformation (that for right now I'm feeling really positive about and soon I'll have to return to these blog postings to give me courage because it won't always be positive or easy or whatever magic it is now) is going well and not necessarily energizing me, but energizing my soul. "Energizing my soul" ?? what?? No. NO. That seems completely wrong and not just in the "I have an aromatherapy candle for just this circumstance" way. What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that I feel happy or proud or renewed that I have begun again. And although I sit in pain and have been exhausted - I've apparently been suffering from PMS - I should be feeling better in just a bit. And while currently I sit here with cramps, they aren't going to stop me from going to work out and pushing myself there, either. I'm proud of myself for continuing to try. There that's it. I stalled, just like a car, and I wouldn't start. But sometimes you give the battery just enough time and it will kinda recharge itself, just enough to slowly turn over and turn over again and just a little faster and your car has started. That's me right now. I charged my own battery, just a little, just enough to start and I'll keep running for as long as I can.
Meanwhile.
I had a dream last night (I've been dreaming quite a lot lately.) And who should grace my lovely dream but lovely, cutie-pie - getting better as he gets older RR. I'll just call him Ryan. Because he is lovely and it was MY dream. Also there was my ex-stalker, T. Odd, because I knew Ryan and he knew me and we were beginning to be friends. and T showed up. Boo! And I knew that Ryan couldn't possible like me but T was there making waves. And then they both were nice and attentive. Of course, you can't trust T and I was trying to get rid of him - without really angering him but just, ya know, GET OUT! And then it seemed that Ryan might really like me. And I woke up thinking that I have this baggage. And I'll have to bring T with me where ever I go. (metaphorically- if there is a gawd) Just bring him into the light. Because he's a part of me and the sooner I introduce all of my hangups and quirks and baggage, the sooner I deal with them then the sooner someone really special, like Ryan might actually like me.
Was a nice feeling. That I could be liked.