So Busy at Work. Don't know what I'm doing.

That's comforting, isn't it? I have so many things to do and I am trying to accomplish at least one of them - and I can't seem to figure out how to do the stupid stuff! That's not true. I can figure out how to do it, it's just taking what I feel is an unreasonably long amount of time to do it.

Also: I have too many things to do and I am flitting from one thing to another when the first thing is not complete, but taking too long. I'm a little scattered, to say the least.

I need to make a list of the things that need to be done so that I can at least get a handle on it. At least then I'll know what I'm avoiding. Or attempting to do, whichever motivation is stronger that particular day.

Ok. I am making a list right now. I don't want to do any of these things. On a positive note, I checked the last list I made and there only seems to be two things left on that list, one of which is always, *always* on the list. They, of course, went onto the new list.
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Enough talk about boring lists.

I went to the doctor on Monday. It was another particularly bad day. I took half a pill in the afternoon and slept until approximately 6. I got up and called my dad and decided not to go over. I took another 1/2 pill and went to bed.

Tuesday morning with the terrible, long drive - I think I've decided something. I just don't wanna. I think I truly need to start coming down here on Monday afternoons. That Tuesday morning drive is murder. And if I don't work something out, it will be, literally. What if I fall asleep driving? Too terrible to think about.

I've noticed in just the couple of days since I've been on the Seroquel, I'm zoning out. I should let Dad drive, but. . . Honestly, he's not a good driver. It would be close to call whose the worse driver - him or a passed-out me. I just need Not to pass out. I think the books on tape really help with that. I didn't get one this week. I won't make that mistake again.
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Coming down here was particularly difficult - well, no. Coming down wasn't. But our arrival. It was achingly painful. It's like trying to learn to breathe underwater - except the water is molten lava. My soul hurts. I think the medicine is helping, if at least to numb me out. It's a small dose - I just have to not loose sight of what it is I want.

Wait, what was it again?

I do. I need to work it out. Find what makes me happy and pursue it with all my might. With all my fight.