Monday, January 31, 2005

Help and uncomfortable

I am more uncomfortable in my skin than one (who knew me) might realize. Maybe not. Maybe, I am completely transparent.

I am on an odyssey. I am attempting to change myself, to better myself, and to grow. Grow into what? A better human being.
In short: I am trying to lose weight.
But it is more than that. Let me repeat: I want to change.

Right now I’m having difficulty. I am on the verge of a full-blown eating disorder (ED). I cannot stop thinking about food, weight, what I eat or how I’ve failed. I cannot stop eating. Not right now. I’ve tried to switch to overeating things that have less calories, and therefore, won’t be as bad for me. But I’m still eating. And eating. And Eating.

I’ve always been a compulsive eater. A social eater. A comfort eater. And let’s not forget an emotional eater.

It is getting worse, after a period of getting better. (Or so I thought.) I need help. And here’s the thing. I’ve been looking for help on the Internet. And so far, nothing.

Probably the best group would be OA (Overeaters Anonymous). But, as they base their 12 steps on Alcoholics Anonymous, they have a big relationship with God. I am having difficulty with that.
I will continue to search and keep you posted. Hopefully, I can find something for addicts. What I really want is a buddy. I know I’ve shunned this kind of help before, but I desperately need it now.