Or maybe I should just write "I'm dumb."
The last posts have been true.. or I should say that they are my truth. But I feel dumb, just the same. And maybe. . . just maybe . . . "dumb" is the literal word. I am struck dumb. . .unable to talk. My communication skills sorely lacking.
I am at a crossroads. And I am impotent. Dumb. Unable to speak my desire, unable to even formulate my desires.
And I have hired a lawyer. I am waiting for his firm, strong voice to tell me, to show me, the way. Heh. His strong voice.
He called me today. I wouldn't exactly call his voice "strong" or "firm". He did seem very nice though.
So I went and visited my old hippie friend last night. Except she's really too old to be an old hippie. Oh, well. But the point is - she gave me my birthday present - s Birthday PresentS. One of the presents was a tarot deck. She had opened it previously, unfortunately. I know you don't believe any of this. I don't either. (Except I do - sort of.) So. I tried to put some of my energy on them... but it's all sugared and liquored up energy - so weird, right? Anyway. I did a spread (that I looked up on the internet - because I don't know how to do that.. I mean, Hello!) and I asked about whether I would find true love. Heh. The first card - which was about me, was about how I am super strong. And that must be good, because every other freaking card was all that nothing was going to work out. Not as I'd planned, not as I wanted it to, not as a type A or a laid back "change comes when it's time" person. Yeah. NOT a good sign.
I'm a little horny. Stupid maragaritas are making me write this disjointed, stupid (dumb) exclamation of my loneliness. Ye-ah. This was a great idea.