It's dumb

Or maybe I should just write "I'm dumb."

The last posts have been true.. or I should say that they are my truth.  But I feel dumb, just the same.  And maybe. . . just maybe . . . "dumb" is the literal word.  I am struck dumb. . .unable to talk. My communication skills sorely lacking.

I am at a crossroads.  And I am impotent. Dumb. Unable to speak my desire, unable to even formulate my desires.

And I have hired a lawyer.  I am waiting for his firm, strong voice to tell me, to show me, the way.  Heh.  His strong voice.

He called me today.  I wouldn't exactly call his voice "strong" or "firm".  He did seem very nice though.

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So I went and visited my old hippie friend last night.  Except she's really too old to be an old hippie.  Oh, well.  But the point is - she gave me my birthday present - s  Birthday PresentS.  One of the presents was a tarot deck.  She had opened it previously, unfortunately.  I know you don't believe any of this.  I don't either.  (Except I do - sort of.)  So.  I tried to put some of my energy on them... but it's all sugared and liquored up energy - so weird, right?  Anyway.  I did a spread (that I looked up on the internet - because I don't know how to do that.. I mean, Hello!)  and I asked about whether I would find true love.  Heh.  The first card - which was about me, was about how I am super strong.  And that must be good, because every other freaking card was all that nothing was going to work out.  Not as I'd planned, not as I wanted it to, not as a type A or a laid back "change comes when it's time" person.  Yeah.  NOT a good sign.

I'm a little horny.  Stupid maragaritas are making me write this disjointed, stupid (dumb) exclamation of my loneliness.  Ye-ah.  This was a great idea.